My weapon will be my pen… (8-1-25)

When my Mom died in 2022, I’d spent much of the previous 6 years healing my Mom issues. And I felt very at peace with her beautiful death.

 

I’ve not focused much on my Dad issues in my healing journey thus far. I want to feel similar peace when my Dad’s time comes, so two weeks ago I began trading healing sessions with a close friend who is also a healer.

 

When she guided me into the pre-panic feeling associated with what I see as my Dad’s definition of “success” and his expectations of what I would do with my life (Shamanic Healer was NOT on that list!) the energy trapped in my body revealed itself to be a fountain pen.

 

This was the pen my Dad had given me, imbued with the expectation that I would earn a Ph.D. After receiving that pen, I spent 3 years in a Ph.D. program only to realize it was not the path for me.

 

To transform and heal this “energy intrusion” of a fountain pen, my Green Earth Dragon Spirit Guide curled around me, filling me and the pen with love. Dragon then playfully plucked the pen from my energy field, and I recalled this poem I’d written in 2015:

 

“what will your weapon be mama?”
asks my seven year old son
as we descend the stone steps.

 

“my weapon will be my pen,”
I reply.
“what?” he asks
partly interested
as he goes before me
wielding imaginary nunchuks.

 

maybe someday
he will understand
my explanation.

 

And then I realized that I wanted to claim the parts of that pen that were mine- that I want to do the writing that I’ve always known is in me and is a part of me; the writing that I’d set aside when I birthed my first son in October 2008.

 

So Green Earth Dragon put the pen into my heart, breathed fire into my heart and through the pen, to push out the unwanted energies the pen held:

 

 

• my Dad’s definition of “success”
• the unearned Ph.D.,
• the expectations about how I would earn my living, how I should fit into the patriarchal capitalist machine that destroys what I love.

 

And then, together we imbued the pen with the energies that I do want it to have:

 

MY WEAPON IS MY PEN*
And
I AM A WRITER.
And
MY WORDS AND MY VOICE ARE HOW I MAKE MY IMPACT.

 

 

(Photo caption: My Green Earth Dragon altar with a stand in for the fountain pen- unrelated to this healing experience, I’d very recently purged the pen my Dad had given me- and an appropriately green lego light saber. Together they represent “my weapon is my pen.”)

 

In October 2024, several months before this healing, I began publishing one article per month in the small local paper that I wrote for in 2007 and 2008. You can read that first article here:

 

What will your weapon be? And how do you make your impact? I’d love to know!

 

Blessings and Courage,

Betti

 

* “my weapon is my pen” can be attributed to Raúl R. Salinas (who preferred to be known as raúlrsalinas) and Osama Alomar.